We began Chinese herbal treatment about a month and a half ago. At the time, the real motivation was really just that 'it can't hurt' mentality. So, instead of blowing off the insurance money on massages; I just found a doctor whom I vaguely remember specializes in my area of needs. So, that started the daily brewing of the herbal medicine and chucking 2 large glasses day and night. While Charles gobbles up tons of big black pills that he claims has made him extremely tired (yes he sleeps alot on the weekend). This week's treatment would mark the end of what my insurance money can afford. Meanwhile, I postponed the Stanford appointment and the earliest appt for this new Dr. happens to be today.
Two days ago, when my AF is supposed to come, only a small brownish thing instead. It is not unusual as a precursor to the full blown thing; but what was out of ordinary was the real thing did not come at all. So, I started to rationalize....checking out the web....then catching myself not to get too far ahead with just that. Cautious joy. Meanwhile, I prayed that my heart would be guarded and that it would be definitive one way or the other.
Then 2 days passed. I decided to take my BBT because I knew it would not lie. It was 97.7. Inconclusive but definitely higher than what it should be if AF were to come. Still I was cautious and I was determined to make my normal acupuncture appointment last night. I just want to make sure if it could be due to the herbal med. Dr. Liu said no and in fact I could finish taking the med. (In our conversation, I can tell he is a Buddhist talking about fate and cause/effect. If this turns out to be a happy news, I am obligated to make the God in my life known to him.)
This morning, right around 7 am, it was time for BBT again. I resisted from taking any test but I had to know whether I should cancel Stanford appt or not. I wondered if God is that poetic? Letting me know on the day I am supposed to see the infertilily doctor? It is truly when our road ends that is when His begins. The BBT came back higher 98.1. So, with that, I dug up some left over test strips and did the test. Twice.
I was not in tears, shocked or overwhelmed seeing the faint line appeared. I think I was just filled with thankfulness. As I was trying to find neat ways to break the news to Charles, I couldn't. So, I just told him he could stop swallowing those black pills and he knew. He was happy and he prayed. The first thought came to my mind was we needed to pay Pastor Cheng a visit because he earnestly prayed for us.
I think I am slowly realizing what a miracle I am experiencing (99% true...). We prayed for this 'cup' would pass - the 'cup' for having to go through more needles and meds. We knew the pain and burden it would have on us. God spared us. Thank you thank you. (Perhaps this year finally is the time for us to settle in a home. God's timing - what can I say?!)
As I was walking Ryan to school, my mind was just flooded with the memory of pains that I struggled through and each time I was asked to simply obey and serve His people while I waited. It was not just to wait for 1 yr, 2 yr, 3 yr, but 4 yrs. I was definitely not a saint throughout these waiting years for I had had my ups and downs. In the end, I could only focus on the blessings - the friendship I was able to make with many chinese moms and those that were deepen because of it; discovering my gift in teaching preschoolers; given this job at the end of my 1 yr service to the moms so unexpectedly; learning again to trust God's goodness and that when I look back (as I am doing now), I know why I had to wait. I know the journey is not yet over; but I am hopeful and I pray for a healthy one to behold.
Thank you God.
Karen
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