Typical Monday

Monday is probably the hardest day of the week. First day of practising piano, homework, and also it is the 'single mom' day since daddy doesn't get home until late at night after badminton. This particular Monday I had more energy and decided instead of just doing simple dinner, we would make sushi-spam style! Ryan loved it cause he got to play with the bamboo roller and he welcomed the annual spam feast.

Afterward, I made our usual fruit smoothie. Unfortunately, eating individual fruit is just not our style. I make this almost every other day just using whatever fruits I have. Typical ones are apples, bananas, kiwi....sometimes add in pineapples and frozen berries. I always top it off with yogurt, flaxseed, some juice and water. It does wonders to all of our digestive systems! The best thing is Ryan would drink it even though he would not eat most of the fruits individually.

After we are done with dinner, the kids would go to bed around 9 pm. I will have my quiet time until 10:30 pm when daddy finally comes home after his workout; then he would want to scour for food and here I go serving another meal all over again.

A busy Sunday

Despite the great weather here, we don't get to enjoy it as much as we should or want to. A typical weekend is normally filled with scheduled activities which leaves hardly any time for a day trip. Here was his schedule last Sunday...

8:00 am get to choir practice for a special morning service performance (ouch!)
11:00 am make it to church in time to teach Children worship
1:00 pm Chinese school
after chinese school, he usually has a playdate with another kid until choir.
6:00 pm normal choir performance

If the kids are not tired by the end of the day, the adults are. If we stay here, I hope to modify weekend schedule so that it will allow some family time just to go explore the area, again.

Contentment

One afternoon Charles came home after meeting with the architect and reported that there would be more delay to the housing project. I was working on homework with Ryan and I remember being upset and frustrated by the news that the rest of the session did not go well at all. The foul mood surely carried over to the rest of the family as well. Then for the next few days, I would be reminded of that incident and it really bugged me why I became so upset easily by it all. Clearly, it was the $ issue...the more delay, the longer we pay tax and rent at the same time and not being able to take advantage of the school. I was upset at the material loss.

Then God reminded me I need to have a different perspective. I need to let go of the material things. I want to be at a place where even though I may be striped of that, I would still be at peace. So, two things came to mind as I continued to dwell on it. I concluded that as long as I can say 'yes' to them, I am content and whatever I don't have, God must think that I don't need.

1) Do I have health?
2) Do I have the ability to bless others?

It has been good seeing things from this new perspective. The housing project is the same but it sure doesn't get me upset as before. Moreover, I start to see some silver lining even in the delay. Because of it, alternative schooling maybe on the table again. We shall see.

Mandy's Visit, again

Mandy is here again for her work. Just like last time, she is always busy with work when she is here. So, we do not do much social things with her since this is indeed a business trip. Moreover, she already spent one weekend in Chicago; so we only have one more weekend left before she returns home. According to her, Katelyn reminds her of Jane. I guess they both are a little chubby and has small eyes :).

Ryan is definitely more receptive of auntie being here. For one, he can squeeze in our bed at night. I realize these few days how important praying with him at night means to him. Sometimes he would remind me when I forget; and then when I really pray for things that matters instead of just the standard nighttime prayer, he really gets it that mommy wants him to change his bad behavior. Like last night, he would give me a small hug after I prayed about his need to listen and obey just like the verse in the bible we read 1 John 3:18 "Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth". It is so true that the most effective way to correct a child is via the word of God.

Pneumonia

It started off as a simple cold for Ryan. Then the dad and Katelyn also had running nose. But fever soon developed for Ryan and it lasted longer than 3 days. When it hit 5 days, I knew better to take him in even though the fever was low grade. Especially we just learned that his friend Mark has pneumonia just a week prior. Sure enough, the xray came back positive for a mild case. So, we started him on antibiotics and it took care of it right away. For as long as I remember, this must be just the third time he has to take antibiotics. Being able to keep him at home definitely was a good thing.

On a side note, his two doctors visit pretty much spent the whole deductible for the year. The new insurance from Cisco has gone down in quality. Don't get me wrong cause I am grateful to have insurance and however bad I think Cisco has become; I am sure they are still better that many other companies. I guess I should just be thankful that Katelyn was born last year and she saved us 10% of all hospital cost (~$2000). Hope the kids stay healthy!

Real Life CSI

Last month one afternoon, I was about to sit down and do some homework with Ryan; all of a sudden, I saw a black SUV pull up quickly by the sidewalk and several bullet vested cops got out and positioned themselves around the vehicle. From all the crime drama I watched, it was not hard to recognize I was potentially nearby a crime scene. Once I saw them drawing guns at what seemed like the neighbor on the left side, I knew we had to get out of the living room. So, we hid in our bedroom. Then the cop finally gave the guy a last chance to come out without firing any bullets. Thank God he did!!!

I must say this latest incident gave me a renew sense of urgency that we really need to MOVE as soon as possible.

New Blog

Today marks the first entry to this family blog. I have always used it as my own journal but I realize that I can also expand it to include the family - esp. for the little ones.

So, where are we? Ryan is at school. Tues and Thurs are my duty to take him to school while the dad takes work calls at home. Thankfully, the little one is still sleeping soundly. Ryan will also have his first T-ball practice today. Yeah, we start him on this even before music lessons. It will be another 'thing' in his schedule in addition to his chinese and math homework.

As for Katelyn, she is almost 3 months already. It has been such a joy to see her grow. I still remember how fragile she was being at 6 lb'ish....and how I had to deal with all the postpartum aches and pains and vowed not to ever have kids again. It might still be true but definitely the whole anxiety and stress is gone. Thank God! She is more responsive now and gives you a big smile when you play with her. She really fusses only when she is tired or wants to be fed. Her hair is so fine and turned a little brown on the ends. The double eyelids are still hidden in there somewhere. LOL. She is still not as light as her bro, who knows why. I realize how much I do enjoy this period when they are so little. I know full well life will get harder as they grow.

A Little Hope

Time seems to fly by so fast as we march in the another month. Katelyn is becoming more social and starting to googoo gaga in response to your talking to her. She is not as generous with her smile but she would give you a big one while you smile at her. Even though these few months of staying at home can be so mundane but I am soaking it in as much as I can knowing this period of baby-hood is so short. I love the holding, feeding, and most enjoyable to me is sleeping with her in my arms. The hardest so far is definitely her being a light sleeper. Her eye lid is still single and occasionally you can see the double appear; so the jury is still out on that one. Her skin still seems to be darker than Ryan so I am hoping she will turn lighter soon!

As for things with hubby, it's getting a little bit better. Just need to do more on my part to care for him. Taking it slowly for now. His work has been so hectic and there seems to be a chance to jump ship; but he will have to wait and see what the offer will be...it's gonna be too good to turn down for him to move....so we will see. On the other hand, the housing project is going slowly and by my rough guess, it will be a best case to begin construction sometime in the summer.

I have definitely been more conscious about my attitude when teaching Ryan, we have had a better time doing homework and studying. I realize how much effect words can have. I tried to affirm his improvement and reassure him that he will succeed. I can see the difference. This kid is also improving on his reading thanks to the school 1st grade reading jump. However, I still think he is naturally more curious about math. We have been getting him to understand some concepts and he seems to be able to grasp them so far. His weakness is impatient and careless but definitely teacheable!

The Grind of Life

It's Monday morning and the busy life of managing a family starts to weigh on me- or having 2nd child really adds more burden in every aspect of our lives. Our marriage has been a bit shaky and it is being challenged even more; my temper gets short with Ryan and I realized I have become more physical with him when it comes to discipline. I have even slapped him a few times in the heat of anger. I saw the effect of it that I finally had to apologize to him and realize that I really needed help to hold it in. The verse about not exacerbate our children really hit me cause I saw the raw rage that came out of him. I even asked him what made me more mad and he confirmed to me that hitting his behind is a world of difference than slapping his face. I must end it yesterday.

Little Katelyn growing slowly but surely. Now the 3rd-child wave has already hit the chinese side and I find my heart starting to wander. I have to keep reminding myself not only to be content but to trust that God knows best what everyone of us need and can handle. I need to keep my eyes focus upward and not around me. To conceive and bear a child could be the easiest part but I realize to raise up a god-fearing child is a whole different thing. How am I doing with just one? two? I need to remind myself to be constantly be content with what God has already blessed me. Even though I probably would not go full length to prevent another child but I definitely will not let myself be entangled or burdened by it. My focus ought to be upward, my marriage, and the little sinners.

A conversation with a couple older parents this weekend also help remind me the life skills that I need to start training Ryan on even at his age. (Yes, feeding an infant is comparatively the easier task.) So, I started him on making his bed, changing toilet paper, and folding his clothes. Next we need to work on alarm clock and changing his clothes on his own. They also help affirmed that character building is far more important than anything else. One of them mentioned that she constantly told her kids that she is responsible for the health of their body, heart, and soul through college. It really hit me especially the heart part since I have felt alot of guilt about the slapping episode. An another article posted of fb was also timely in reminding me the heartache that we feel as young mothers shall pass so fast that we should cherish even the most annoying, frustrating things that these little ones do.

So, with that perspective, hope this Monday will pass with joy and peace!

Dec 2009

Dec 12- It was Charles' bday..we went up to the city for a family xmas pic and also get some car business done, my mucus plug came out and I had a haunch she might come that day...

Finally when we went to pick up Ryan at Awana, I knew the cramp isn't just occasional thing, it was definitely labor pain. So, we went to the hospital directly around 10 pm. Mandy came and picked up Ryan to bring him home.

Once we were admitted, I was dilated to 4. They asked me for pain med and I said sure. That's when my nightmare began. The anestheisologist took forever to put the med in and once she did, I was shocked to be numb to the extend that I did. I could not feel my leg and upper body....the feeling was so scary seeing people move me and yet I didn't feel a thing. When I had to push, I didn't know what the heck I was doing but she came out. 6 lb 7 oz 19.75" at 12:01 am. With all the hoopla, she just had to miss her daddy's birthday.

When I wheeled to the maternity room, I remember telling Charles that I'd better be able to walk again. I was genuinely scared for being paralyzed. The helplessness was unspeakable. Then it literally took 5 hours before I could feel my legs again. What a relief!

While keep Katelyn in the room, I was feeding and resting in a bad position and it brought on a massive muscle pain and headache. Finally once we got home, I was nursing her on the bed and it probably also caused my pelvus pain as well. That was excruciating. I literally looked at my king size bed in tears because every time I had to climb in and out of the bed, my pelvic muscles would hurt so badly and it radiates down my back thigh. I prayed and ppl gave me chinese pads and finally it took 2nd week for the pain to go away. I remember thinking there is no way I am having any more babies....vaginal stitch pain, headache, milk engorgement and stress, and then this pelvic pain, that's way too much. But those days still passed. I don't know how I got through them.

Katelyn has been a joy. I didn't get to enjoy her much at the hospital with all of my own problems. But once we are into the 2nd week and things are more routine (well, at least my milk is enough for her now and not much aches and pains on my part), I definitely got to slow down and think about what she really means to us. I remember thinking I would pray that I would be there for her confinement. Somehow I just think that a woman's blessing is definitely to have her mom take care of her during confinement. I thought about my mom alot one night....just imagining how life would be different if she were around. These last few days, I am more struck by the fact that we really brought a new life here and we would need to start training her up all over again. The weight of responsibility finally sinks in. I try to enjoy her while feeding her. I relish the sight of her grabbing on my shirt and her other hand rest on her head while she feeds. I giggle at all the funny sounds she makes. Ryan has been loving to her. He loves to kiss her and touches her hair. He enjoys holding her too. He is adjusting fairly well except that he has some usual disciplinary issues that we need to deal with.

We still cannot tell whom she looks like yet. But we just take each moment slowly and treasure the time now. As I look at her fingers and toes, I cannot help but marvel at the creator. God made her in my womb. Thank you for the gift, Lord.

Last Quarter of 2009

Wow, so much has transpired in the last quarter of 2009...it will be a task to summarize it now....

Oct - not too eventful...

Nov - Mandy arrived in mid of the month for a 5 wk stay of her business trip. Definitely more work on my part having her here....cooking, transportation etc. But I guess it's nice to have her around. She was quite stressed about the whole work arrangement but for now the job seems to be safe.

Nov 12 - Finally the unthinkable happened. I went into work with just a slight inclination that I might be rif'ed but hardly did I think it would actually happened. When Moni stopped by my cube and asked me to go with her, I knew. It was undoubtedly a very emotional experience. In some ways, it was very surreal as if I had to get a grip on how best to react to it. For sure, it definitely helped me learn how to react to someone else in the future. It was a very pride thing I guess. I think it took me a couple days to just accept it and realize it that this is God's blessing in disguise. Now I do not have to struggle with the decision and all the maternity and unemployment benefits are there for me to take advantage of...how bad can it be?!

To take the leave early was actually a good thing. I needed that extra time to clean out stuff for the bb. With Ryan being in school, those few weeks were probably the most stressless and free!

The Corolla Incident - how can we top this one? On our way to take Mandy to visit Uncle Wong's family, Charles' happened to drive the corolla for this trip and while we were on 280, I noticed something was quite right and little did I know that he was trying to stop an uncontrollable car! It sped up from 70 to 90 mph and the brake would not work. Once we realized the situation, we weren't so much panic as we could not believe that was happening, so we prayed. Praise God, he was able to slow and brake the car eventually. Then we went on our way for the rest of the business....later we found that a loose cable from previous mechanic work very likely has caused it. But that was big enough of a scare for us to look for a car. As much as I tried not to buy anything, I had to give in on this one. So, we have a 2007 Honda Odyssey sitting outside!

How life is progressing

Baby Tsai
I am officially 22 weeks along and we are excited to find out it will be a girl! I guess part of me wants either gender. But I am glad I didn't place too much desire on either since I don't get to decide anyways. So, that's how it turned out and we are just grateful things are going well and uneventful.

I have been feeling the small kicks and somersaults these days. It never fails to amaze me and of course I almost forget what it was like. I must say I do enjoy being pregnant. I am definitely getting bigger. Gained like almost 8 lbs in the last month! Wasai!

My gratefulness goes beyond that esp. since finding out my friend who likely has to terminate a pregnancy due to a genetic condition. I cannot even begin to feel what they are going through. I just pray for them.

A lesson on obedience
Then after the church retreat, somehow I am more convicted than ever to just get things smoothed out with the leaders. It felt right to do it now. It was painful - trust me. Having to apologize for something I didn't think I was 100% at fault is tough. So, it took me one long night to put things in perspective. Irrespective to what others did, I felt God just wanted me to rectify my wrongs and that's all I needed to focus on. That's what happened. Toward the end of the night, we were also given the news of his departure which he only decided to confide with a few just in recent days. Right there and then, I knew God was gracious to ME! Had I learned the news without the having the air cleared, I would have to carry that burden with me for a long time. So, another example of blessing from listening to Him. So, what's gonna happen? I don't know. But perhaps that's better for both parties...and it's time to move on.

STLCCC
This past Sunday we helped put together a dinner gathering for the STLCCC in the bay area. It started from having Louisa in town, then the Pans, and it quickly grew to a 30 people reunion. It was definitely a blessing to see the familiar faces (at least more than 1/2 people I know). Just remembering the spiritual home I once had and the friendship I was able to carry with me to this day.

House
Looks like we are moving along with the private driveway issue. Met with the difficult neighbor and sorta got their blessing. He is some ex exec at Oracle and other startup. Found out he is also a leader at the presbyterian church. Then we also met the owner of the driveway. The Welshs are very nice and we had a great talk with them. The husband is a doctor and somehow we got to talk about the wife's Ob and sure enough it was Dr. Inouye. Instantly, we bonded. I even recommended the chinese doc to her as they are hoping to have more children.

The block party that we had last Sunday was also a good chance to meet the rest of the neighbors. I must admit the block is a very friendly and homey place. I just wish we can get the house built soon. But thinking about the amount of research and stress that we will have to go through makes me crinch. Perhaps I need to focus more to enjoy the process....

A Blessed Weekend

The 2009 June weekend turned out to be one that is hard to beat. First of all, 6/19 marked out 10th anniversay (yes, it's been that long). My in laws made a special trip out here to celebrate Ryan's birthday. We definitely held a much larger party that I had envisioned. But it was all fun for those who were there. Then to top it off, my in law went ahead and helped us buy a lot in Saratoga - a lot that is deemed a rare find. So, all of sudden, life seems to have shifted to another gear. I have mixed feeling about settling down in an upscale area that does not quite fit our social class. But the turn of event that led up to the property almost seems impossible - first Charles had to spot the listing; then they found the time to check it out esp. when the parents could actually inspect it themselves (they had not come for over 3 yrs before this trip);lastly the seller would have to rescind his other offer to accept ours. All happened less than 48 hrs. - $1 million transacted. Just mind boggling to me.



So now there is still closing of the contract to be concerned about before we move on to the rebuilding part. To add to the saga, my architect overly ambitious brother is very much interested bidding for the job.



Today it's the first day of VBS.



I think I just need some down time right about now.

Confirmed

Finally on May 20th, we had our first look at the tummy. Dr. Inouye looked a bit older to me this time around. He still remembers Mandy and her complication as well as her move to overseas. His only son, also named Ryan, is quite a handsome mixed 7 yrs old.

The machine is more advanced than when I remember it. He said it produced better ultrasound pictures. After moving a couple times across the tummy, he found the sac with the little baby wiggling inside. Of course, the big head dominates and one could barely see the extremities. But he said it's definitely there. Then he proceeded to measuring it and it read 9 wks 2 days which is just a day from actual. He also confirmed the due date to be Dec 22. It would be an interesting one to get to stay home longer. He handed 3 pictures to us in the end.

Then he went on to explain all the latest blood tests related to genetic diseases. Things sure have changed alot in the past few years.

I am just thankful that things are going so far so good. Let it be as unevenful as last time, well except during labor. Little Ryan took about 16 hrs to come out.

We went back to affirm the people we told that things are going fine. I didn't know that one other lady had been praying for us; so a friend of mine related the news. I am grateful that God has provided people to have a heart to pray for us.

This long weekend we are kinda free to ourselves since most of his friends are going to the spring retreat. We might end up exploring Angel Island and hope to find a place to stay overnight. When I am off next week, there are plenty of things to take care of - one of which is to plan for his birthday party!

Life continues.

Busy Weekend

When it comes to end of the school years, everything seems to happen all at the same time. This weekend is definitely packed with activities. Music school performance, choir practice and then performance, Awana award ceremony, and on top of that I happened to schedule the pedicure treat with Suszan and My on the same weekend. Of course, I also had to book Rena, who just came back from China, for a steak dinner on Sunday night. In between all that, I had to buy a pair brand new white shoes for his choir. With bargaining mindset ingrained in me, I had to make a couple trips to stretch my buck. So, needless to say now we are glad that we can finally lie down for a breather. The thought of going to work tomorrow is definitely not welcoming.

Speaking of Awana, it was great to have the privilege to hand out awards to these kids. Most of them were excited to have their name called and some even jumped up to get the award. I am just drawn by the innocence and purity of this age. I know I will miss them and esp. Ryan at this age. Praise God also that He has brought someone who would be interested in taking over Cubbie for me. God truly provides, at the right time.

Ryan's music performance went pretty well. He definitely was better prepared at the choir one cause at least he did not freeze on stage and was actually enjoying himself singing and doing the motions. Seeing the big kids do the musical afterwards, I actually was moved to tears as they sang their hearts out praising God. Perhaps I was subconciously imagning Ryan being in it one day.

Finally, we are down to counting down days to see Dr. Inouye. I still have bad thoughts but I try not to dwell on it. It's all in His hands anyways. So hope it all goes well. Nowadays, I just need a lemon drink in my hand whenever the hormones kicks in. I am so thankful too that in another week there will be shutdown. I am grateful beyond words for the forced time off; I would have never thought when I went back to work such a thing would be possible. But He made it possible. This part time job is perfect for me at this time. Thank God!

I have also been praying for a couple things consistently.....one is for salvation of my in-laws' family as well as my dad. Another one is for true born again experience for Josh and also for him to have a wife who fears the Lord. I know my dad feels very helpless when it comes to his private life; and I told him that just like me pray for him. I am very frank about that with Josh as well. If he has any fear in the Lord, he would know that God will do something. I just wish he would pursue God with the energy that he pursue the world.

I also try to remember praying for Queenie who is due in a month. What a difference a year makes. We recommended Nathan - Gift of God to mankind for the baby boy's name. Truly he is a gift from above that is meant to comfort them. God surely does not let us go through things beyond what we can endure. Pray for smooth delivery and healthy first year.

I should get back to doing other mindless things to relax before I go to bed.

Karen

Delayed Blessing

What a timing read!

======================================================

April 19
Delayed
"Know of a surety that thy seed shall be sojourners in a land that is not theirs; . . . they shall afflict them four hundred years; . . . and afterward they shall come out with great substance" (Gen. 15:12-14). An assured part of God's pledged blessing to us is delay and suffering. A delay in Abram's own lifetime that seemed to put God's pledge beyond fulfillment was followed by seemingly unendurable delay of Abram's descendants. But it was only a delay: they "came out with great substance." The pledge was redeemed.
God is going to test me with delays; and with the delays will come suffering, but through it all stands God's pledge: His new covenant with me in Christ, and His inviolable promise of every lesser blessing that I need. The delay and the suffering are part of the promised blessing; let me praise Him for them today; and let me wait on the Lord and be of good courage and He will strengthen my heart. --C. G. Trumbull
Unanswered yet the prayer your lips have pleadedIn agony of heart these many years?Does faith begin to fail? Is hope departing?And think you all in vain those falling tears?Say not the Father hath not heard your prayer;You shall have your desire sometime, somewhere.Unanswered yet? Nay do not say ungranted;Perhaps your work is not yet wholly done.The work began when first your prayer was uttered,And God will finish what He has begun.If you will keep the incense burning there,His glory you shall see sometime, somewhere.
Unanswered yet? Faith cannot be unanswered,Her feet are firmly planted on the Rock;Amid the wildest storms she stands undaunted,Nor quails before the loudest thunder shock.She knows Omnipotence has heard her prayer,And cries, "It shall be done"--sometime, somewhere.--Miss Ophelia G. Browning

Waiting

I called my primary yesterday and she insisted that I'd do another urine test at the clinic; and I was like you must be kidding me. So, I ignored her and called up my ob's office and immediately I was asked to go in for blood test. What a difference in treatment.




So, now we are in the waiting game. Meanwhile, it's so hard not to let terrible thoughts come to mind. Perhaps that's why God put this verse in the good book...




Philippians 4:8 (New International Version)
8Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.




This morning, Ryan suddenly complained about pain in the scrotum. I looked up the web and got freaked out. It could be something serious. We prayed and we made him pray as well. By the time he was seen by the doc, the pain went away. Whew! It was quite a scary moment just not knowing what it could be. I think all the things happened lately just reminded me of the power of prayers. So, I even told Josh I would pray for a God fearing wife for him consistently from now on and that he should be 'scared'. Instead of nagging and preaching him, praying would be a more potent 'weapon' to his self-centered life right now.


still waiting...supposedly a 24 hr test. - 1 pm




Great Dr. Inouye is on vacation; more waiting. - 3 pm



Finally the on-call Dr. assistant called "Congratulations Mrs. Tsai" - 4 pm



And we had Italian for dinner.

Cautious Joy

We began Chinese herbal treatment about a month and a half ago. At the time, the real motivation was really just that 'it can't hurt' mentality. So, instead of blowing off the insurance money on massages; I just found a doctor whom I vaguely remember specializes in my area of needs. So, that started the daily brewing of the herbal medicine and chucking 2 large glasses day and night. While Charles gobbles up tons of big black pills that he claims has made him extremely tired (yes he sleeps alot on the weekend). This week's treatment would mark the end of what my insurance money can afford. Meanwhile, I postponed the Stanford appointment and the earliest appt for this new Dr. happens to be today.



Two days ago, when my AF is supposed to come, only a small brownish thing instead. It is not unusual as a precursor to the full blown thing; but what was out of ordinary was the real thing did not come at all. So, I started to rationalize....checking out the web....then catching myself not to get too far ahead with just that. Cautious joy. Meanwhile, I prayed that my heart would be guarded and that it would be definitive one way or the other.



Then 2 days passed. I decided to take my BBT because I knew it would not lie. It was 97.7. Inconclusive but definitely higher than what it should be if AF were to come. Still I was cautious and I was determined to make my normal acupuncture appointment last night. I just want to make sure if it could be due to the herbal med. Dr. Liu said no and in fact I could finish taking the med. (In our conversation, I can tell he is a Buddhist talking about fate and cause/effect. If this turns out to be a happy news, I am obligated to make the God in my life known to him.)



This morning, right around 7 am, it was time for BBT again. I resisted from taking any test but I had to know whether I should cancel Stanford appt or not. I wondered if God is that poetic? Letting me know on the day I am supposed to see the infertilily doctor? It is truly when our road ends that is when His begins. The BBT came back higher 98.1. So, with that, I dug up some left over test strips and did the test. Twice.



I was not in tears, shocked or overwhelmed seeing the faint line appeared. I think I was just filled with thankfulness. As I was trying to find neat ways to break the news to Charles, I couldn't. So, I just told him he could stop swallowing those black pills and he knew. He was happy and he prayed. The first thought came to my mind was we needed to pay Pastor Cheng a visit because he earnestly prayed for us.



I think I am slowly realizing what a miracle I am experiencing (99% true...). We prayed for this 'cup' would pass - the 'cup' for having to go through more needles and meds. We knew the pain and burden it would have on us. God spared us. Thank you thank you. (Perhaps this year finally is the time for us to settle in a home. God's timing - what can I say?!)



As I was walking Ryan to school, my mind was just flooded with the memory of pains that I struggled through and each time I was asked to simply obey and serve His people while I waited. It was not just to wait for 1 yr, 2 yr, 3 yr, but 4 yrs. I was definitely not a saint throughout these waiting years for I had had my ups and downs. In the end, I could only focus on the blessings - the friendship I was able to make with many chinese moms and those that were deepen because of it; discovering my gift in teaching preschoolers; given this job at the end of my 1 yr service to the moms so unexpectedly; learning again to trust God's goodness and that when I look back (as I am doing now), I know why I had to wait. I know the journey is not yet over; but I am hopeful and I pray for a healthy one to behold.



Thank you God.



Karen

I am either careless or simply dangerous

You know I think I am both. I know I am not a person who pays attention to detail and in many occasions that have gotten me in terrible consequences. My rap sheet is getting longer and I am almost too embarassed to share. I guess it started with leaving stove on with a pot on it and I managed to repeat this feat 3 times. (Thank God this house still stands) I guess the worst one has to be THE incident where I cut a piece of my thumb off. (ouch! I look at it now and try to recall what it was like right after the incident, I am amazed at God's healing power). Then recently, I exploded a non-pyrex glass pot. Thankfully, I was spared of any serious injury; only that there are remnant of the explosion marked on the floor. Then tonight, I cut a little tiny bit of Ryan's ear skin as I was giving him a haircut. ARGH. I think I need to take away knifes/scissors or heat producing objects from myeslf.

I think taking even a step back, perhaps my problem is that I just need to slow down in whatever I do. Poor Ryan got this trait exactly from me. "I want it, I want it now!" and occasionally he would add "That's not fair!" to which I respond "Life is not fair, Ryan."

It is a constant battle to try to teach him delay gratification. We will have to be persistent for his own good in the long run. Meanwhile, let's pray for incident free the rest of 2009!

My First Blog

I have finally given in to blogging. The only thing that did it for me was the fact that I want to have a way to remember things esp. all the ones that Ryan said or did. I'd figure years from now I would even enjoy reading my own journal!

So, how has life been?! Hmm...it's shocking to think that it's almost a year since I started working again. The job literally fell on my lap right before the biggest bubble in history burst; and I am still employed. Often time I wonder about the timing and all. I am not sure. Perhaps it was a way to distract me from thinking about other fruitless things; perhaps it was His provision so we could afford Ryan private schoolling; perhaps this is simply a time for me to be placed in a working world; or perhaps we could learn to be generous with our giving esp. after seeing some of our investment could just be halved in an instant. But whatever the purpose may be, I am just taking one day at a time. Be thankful, be generous yet cautious; be joyful with the extra free time with shut-down!

On the other hand, it is Charles' job that is going through more turbulance. He has to decide what group he wants to join as his team is being integrated with another department. I am surprised to see him stressed as it is quite unusual. I mean you can hardly phase him with anything (well, other than depriving him of good food). Perhaps it's the imminent change that is hard to deal with. Afterall, he has not had to change department for the past 8 years!

For Ryan, I think he enjoys school. He tells me about the pretend games they play and he would be the daddy. He is very bad about finishing up his lunch and his excuse has always been "Cause I talk too much...". One time I had to request for him to be placed by himself during lunch. I am not sure if it helped. So, I tried to pack stuff he most likely would consume. There are sure bets like the dumplings, cheese&egg sandwiches, and chinese sausages. We had to buy these homemade sausage w/o preservative from this Taiwanese bakery. Yesterday, he had a little bit of my korean spicy instant noodle and he LOVED it hahaha.

On thing I want to note down is Ryan's reading progress. He has not made significant progress in reading and I know mostly because of my fault. My lack of patience when I was teaching him when he was little contributed to his lack of interest to read - or should I say confidence. Yeah kinda suck esp. he made good progress even when he was 3. So, finally I learn from this chinese puzzle game we bought in HK. It has a book of puzzle classified in 3 different levels. He started doing level 1 where they were really easy. I could see his confidence and interest built as he checked off each one he finished. Obviously, the same idea could be applied to anything, like reading. Moreover, I have always wanted to start a reward system with him but nothing lasted more than a week. So, this time, I combined the two ideas together. He would start reading simple books (I mean really simple ones). He gets to earn a point every time he finishes a book. Once he accumulates 10 points, he can get a reward. (BTW, any bad behavior will get point taken off). Well, here is the fun for him. We borrow the Wheel of Fortune idea where we use a die to determine his reward. Since there are only 6 faces to a die, we pre-determined what the 6 rewards would be. I'd figure if he is bored with the reward, we will change it as we go along. So far, he has rolled the die twice! The instant result was he would initiate reading on his own when he is at home or at the library - which never happened before! Yes, he would even make you sit down to hear him read so he can record his point. So, thank God for wisdom in parenting! I think I have already believed that providing positive experience is important for a child to learn but the bigger lesson for me is the impact of negative attitude in teaching is that difficult to revert. Now, I have experienced it both ways, I shall remember that lesson and apply to his other areas of learning. (One thing we have kept telling Ryan is perverance. He used to skip over or just got frustrated whenever he sees an unfamiliar word. Now, he is willing to try because his trying is met by positive feedback instead of my harsh words. Sigh...shame on me for losing the precious time!)

BTW, here are a few Ryan's thing I started to jot down:
Dec 2008
Ryan: 'Mommy I know how B and D sound, 'Baaa' 'Duh'' This is after me praising his cousin for being a good reader and he had to claim some glory for knowing how these letters sound in a weird way.

Feb 2009
Mom: 'Do you want to have a different mommy?'
Ryan: 'No'
Mom: 'A different daddy?'
Ryan: 'No, but I want a different cousin.' - ah, that would be Michelle

Mar 2009
Ryan:'You were the one who woke me up.'
Mom: 'How?' this is after he had a high fever...
Ryan: Changed the voice to imitate mine 'Do you want some medicine? Do you want some water?'

Mar 2009
Dad: 'I had to take some pain-killer today.'
Ryan: 'Are you gonna die?'

Apr 2009
After I tugged him in bed, he said:
Ryan:'Mommy, come back and I will tell you a secret.'
Me:'Just tell me now.'
Ryan: whispering...'Thank you dad and you for putting my bike together.' (that happened 2 wks ago.)