Kids

Katelyn is cruising everywhere these days! I suddenly realize that I am not ready for her :). All I did was put up the fence at least to block her out of the bathroom. Oh boy, next up is all the toys that are not age appropriate for her. argh!

Gentleness

It is so true that one learns the most when they teach esp. when it comes to spiritual matters. This morning, I talked about the fruit of gentleness. The more I told the kids what it meant, the more I was convicted. The best definition I came across so far is gentleness is 'power under perfect control'. My biggest challenge is definitely when it comes to dealing with Ryan. His lazy eating habits (guess whose fault is that), his easily being distracted, etc etc. One truth that it came to me as I was teaching was that the other person is blinded to the truth when it is not told in a gentle way. How many times Ryan acted worse than before when I became loud about the truth I was trying to tell him. All I have to do is to change/lower my tone of voice and he would listen. argh! I need to pray more that I can keep that power under control. It is so hard not to lose it; but that's why I need to pray!

More Kids?

As I looked at the baby gears that Katelyn will soon grow out, I could not help but ponder what to do with them. Do I donate them all now or save them for just in case. I have no idea yet. Trying to fulfill the role of a submissive wife, I should not purposely want any more kids. Charles is quite content at this point. Often time, I am too. I am already very blessed. As Ryan will begin elementary school tomorrow, the burden to raise him as he grows older seems to become heavier and heavier. It makes me realize that unless I am ready to nurture and parent another child....the excitement of getting pregnant and giving birth is so short lived but the rearing of a child is a life time commitment. When I think of that, I can say with peace that I am good for now. Really.

My sickness

It has literally been years since I got sick and requires medication (last time was giving birth, so it doesn’t count). So when the fever started on thurs night, I fought it off; but then it came back a couple days later and I had to let the in-law family know. As a result, I was advised max strength Tylenol after the thermometer read 102C. as a nursing mom, I reluctantly took it. By Sunday morning, I was still feeling bad and by then thermometer registered 104.5C! I dared not to tell them the 0.5c but the high fever was alarming enough to set me off to more actions. So besides being seen by doctor brother-in-law (BIL), I had to seek out my drug dealer cousin in Chicago especially after taking Tylenol, my interim temp was still hanging at 103c. So, I suggested that may be I need a different med like ibuprofen which Dr BIL did bring over that afternoon. During the whole time, I seriously thought I was ‘dying’ and begged the good lord not to take me away yet. (yup, I had to remind Him of how young the kids are)

When Dr BIL brought some heavy duty stuff – 800 mg Motrin or prescription grade ibuprofen. I thought to myself I can’t pop that in!!! Last time when I experienced serious pain after delivery, the med was only 600 mg! So I insisted on cutting it in half! Meanwhile, he held out an antibiotic pill and suggested that I would take it due to my high fever (just in case); again, I haven’t had those in like forever and I really hate to pass that on to the bb. But I weighed between my being alive and the bb temporary impact, I had to choose to live first.

By Monday, I felt much better. But my temp still red at 102c and just would not break. I up’ed the med to 600 mg. The entire day I felt fine even though I was carrying 101-102c. By then, I thought to myself, either this fever is real (which will be bad since I know persistent fever is usually an indication of some serious underlying illnesses) or this fever is not real at all. So I ask for a different thermometer before I drug myself (and the bb) again.

So, in the end, I did have a bout of viral infection but my real temperature was erroneously measured 2-3C higher than what it really is. And yes, that darn thing went to the garbage can real fast.

Gosh, what did I learn from all of this. Or I mean should there be a lesson in every illness? Probably not, but the fact that I rarely got sick and I was made believed that I was really sick led to a few things that I think only God meant it to be……

- My sister-in-law had to take the kids to VBS on the first day. Otherwise, she would not have a chance to step into that church cause I was the designated driver for the whole week. Because of her being there, she was able to witness the VBS director gracefully accepted both boys into the VBS program even though their names, for whatever reason, were not shown in the roster. This, by the way, is Ryan’s cousin’s first ever VBS and it was my hope to introduce him while we happened to be in town (that church is so close to their house!)
- I got to see in laws family pulled together to help out….they took Ryan to sleepover and washed baby. They made special soup for me etc.

God is sovereign and good. But still get an accurate thermometer in the meantime!

Positive Mom and Wife

Positive wife and mom…

Just started reading this book that Linda gave me years ago called ‘Power of a Positive Wife’. I never bother reading it cause I knew what she would say. I still don’t feel the closeness as he and I chat on the phone. I mean I don’t even want to talk for long cause things I know I should ask/chitchat about, for some reason, my lips just would not budge. Of course after started reading the book, I realize that I have not asked Him to help me for a long long time.

In spite of my spouse’s shortcomings, I need to be supportive. I realize Ryan takes after me when it comes to being a pessimist – I thought I lost a toy at a restaurant and when we went back to retrieve it and couldn’t find it, he said ‘Why did you leave it there?’ It is no surprise to me that he is like that but it strikes me that how I have been just like him to Charles! And it is annoying! So, I need to pray for my son and constantly remind him what not to say in an already bad situation. While I need to teach him to be positive, I must live it too.

Secondly, during my bout of sickness, he got to sleepover at the cousin’s house. His excitement in going there and lack of concern for my well-being was very disappointing to me. I could not figure out why. I thought he was a pretty loving son! Again, I realize that I really have not been positive with him like praising him for his first drawing after art class, asking him about his VBS, finding out about his time at the cousin’s? I did none of that!!! Granted this boy is no angel and he really is still quite self-centered; but in spite of that, I need to be a positive mom first.

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after years of struggling to untangle the communication web in this family, I finally got it. They don’t talk or plan things as I thought or expected they would!! I need to do that part myself! I also realized that they don’t always have the answers, I can and need to hold my ground as well. After 11 years, you hope it is not too late.

Precious

Sometimes you never know what you will learn browsing through facebook. I was just thinking of a family who I consider really beautiful people. So, I searched for them on facebook and I noticed most of the photos were not there anymore. What caught my eyes were a link to carepages which I know it frequently used as a sharing platform for people who have serious illnesses. Out of curiosity, I dug up my old password and login and started searching and what I found shocked and saddened me.

My friends - really acquaintances - have two beautiful daughters and I know they have had a share of fertility issues. The carepage was for their 2nd daughter and it recorded the journey of the diagnosis of her inoperable tumor (by her own physician dad) and her courage to live to the end. She left at the age of 7. I am sure I would be saddened for anyone who dies young but this hit home harder probably because I had met her before. The parents seem to be very strong and have been dealing with it with tremendous faith. I hope and pray that her wish to have another child will come true.

On the other hand, as I reflect on the loss of this young life, it reminds me that while we so concerned ourselves with the things of this world that our children need to learn (be it academic, music, or sports), perhaps we should keep in mind to ensure their spiritual life and salvation is secured as early as possible. It also darned on me just now that as a teacher of preschoolers, I have a huge responsibility in leading these kids to the truth. That is something not being taken lightly. May the Lord help me and constantly remind me of the important mission.

Little Baby steps

Katelyn continues to be a joy. She is almost 6 months now. Lately, I realize that she cannot roll over yet. I know full why the reason behind the delayed motor skills - she has been held too much! So, I have been trying to institute daily tummy time and the little one sure doesn't like it. She would have her hands on her sides and thus being coined a nickname 'guai guai' by the dad. She is progressing nevertheless and I just hope she will gain the skill by the time we see her doctor!

Last week, she has her 2nd bout of virus attack. It was a mild one even though she did have a light fever. When I noticed something strange in her poopy diaper, I was worried sick. Since it seemed to be diarrhea and I know how tricky that could be. Sometimes I wonder how I was so naive when Ryan went through a case of food poisoning from me while we were in HK at 6 months of age!!! He even threw up violently back then. I guess since then I have just heard too many tragic stories of some very common illnesses. I just really need to pray more and keep a balanced perspective. Thankfully, she recovered within a day. But soon enough, the rest of the family started showing cold symptoms! Ryan was kept home today because of it but thank goodness we are all on the road to recovery as well.

Contentment

One afternoon Charles came home after meeting with the architect and reported that there would be more delay to the housing project. I was working on homework with Ryan and I remember being upset and frustrated by the news that the rest of the session did not go well at all. The foul mood surely carried over to the rest of the family as well. Then for the next few days, I would be reminded of that incident and it really bugged me why I became so upset easily by it all. Clearly, it was the $ issue...the more delay, the longer we pay tax and rent at the same time and not being able to take advantage of the school. I was upset at the material loss.

Then God reminded me I need to have a different perspective. I need to let go of the material things. I want to be at a place where even though I may be striped of that, I would still be at peace. So, two things came to mind as I continued to dwell on it. I concluded that as long as I can say 'yes' to them, I am content and whatever I don't have, God must think that I don't need.

1) Do I have health?
2) Do I have the ability to bless others?

It has been good seeing things from this new perspective. The housing project is the same but it sure doesn't get me upset as before. Moreover, I start to see some silver lining even in the delay. Because of it, alternative schooling maybe on the table again. We shall see.

Silver Lining in Housing Project

It has been almost 10 months since the decision was made to purchase a piece of land in Saratoga. This housing project has really pushed our marriage in many ways. These last couple days I finally realized that I had a choice to make on what attitude I would use to deal with it. The troublesome neighbor, the hairing tree issue, more drawing problems etc etc. - all mount to the end result of continual delay of it being built. Meanwhile costing us $ to continue to rent and pay property tax. Yes, if I choose to focus on the short term financial impact, I am going to go nuts. So, I need to not think about that. It has hindered me from being supporting of my husband and I don't think that's what God intends for us. As much as I do not agree with re-building a house, the fact remains. So, I need to choose to accept it. If for nothing else, this experience has forced us to face some of the fundamental problem in our marriage. I pray that we will really grow from it. One thing I realize that helps me is whenever I am tempted to loathe about financial impact, I need to remind myself 2 things: 1 - do I still have something extra to bless others; 2 - do I have my health to do so. As long as I have those two, the rest is what I don't need.

So, yes, this house will be built whenever it is built. There is no need for me to fret about it - as long as I still have those 2 other things.

Mandy's Visit, again

Mandy is here again for her work. Just like last time, she is always busy with work when she is here. So, we do not do much social things with her since this is indeed a business trip. Moreover, she already spent one weekend in Chicago; so we only have one more weekend left before she returns home. According to her, Katelyn reminds her of Jane. I guess they both are a little chubby and has small eyes :).

Ryan is definitely more receptive of auntie being here. For one, he can squeeze in our bed at night. I realize these few days how important praying with him at night means to him. Sometimes he would remind me when I forget; and then when I really pray for things that matters instead of just the standard nighttime prayer, he really gets it that mommy wants him to change his bad behavior. Like last night, he would give me a small hug after I prayed about his need to listen and obey just like the verse in the bible we read 1 John 3:18 "Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in deed and truth". It is so true that the most effective way to correct a child is via the word of God.

Little movements

Katelyn has found her hands recently. She would sit in her bouncer and just look at them while she opens up and closes her hands. She would also suck her lower lips. We figure that she must be teething but that seems too early since Ryan did not have the first tooth until 10 months old! So, I try to stop her from doing that. Her hair is kinda cute because it is a little bit curly in the ends and some parts also has faded brownish color. We might have to groom it a little since the weather is warming up. She also tries to sit up these days. Perhaps I should try to roll her as exercise. Her skin tone has lightened up a bit but it is still on the tanner side. Oh well, she got at least one thing from me.

Nephew likens the Uncle

There is this phase in chinese that the nephew resembles the uncle a great deal. I am slowly finding that 'painful' truth right now. Ryan is slowly turning out to be like my brother! It really is a scary thought. Perhaps it is because he was raised as the only child thus far so it fosters his self-centered-ness; or it is simply how he was created. But either way, I have been chosen to deal with it. He has trouble playing with friends who are just as wanting to take charge as he is. I sometime purposely want him to play with them so that he can face those conflicts and learn how to deal with them now. I realize spanking must be done wisely meaning it is only effective when he is already submitted to the discipline. Otherwise, I am only exacerbating his rebellion. At other times, I find that calmly discussing the situation with him is more productive. He needs to learn how his actions affect others and makes a choice accordingly. Meanwhile, I try to empathize with his frustration but let him know that it is still wrong. Lastly, I guide him to turn these things over to God in prayer. I can feel that this is gonna be a LONG process in which his pride and self-centered-ness must be broken repeatedly. But it must be done now or he is going to turn out like his wonderful uncle.

Ryan is also not afraid to act up in Sunday school class. I don't know if it is because he thinks because I teach there, it is then okay for him to do so? Or I just have not talked to him enough about behaving. He is also callous in that he dares to decide about something then inform me about it. The classic example would be inviting his friend to our place for playdate without my expressed consent. That boy really needs some fixing for sure.

Such is the joy of teaching a 5 yr old sinner.

Pneumonia

It started off as a simple cold for Ryan. Then the dad and Katelyn also had running nose. But fever soon developed for Ryan and it lasted longer than 3 days. When it hit 5 days, I knew better to take him in even though the fever was low grade. Especially we just learned that his friend Mark has pneumonia just a week prior. Sure enough, the xray came back positive for a mild case. So, we started him on antibiotics and it took care of it right away. For as long as I remember, this must be just the third time he has to take antibiotics. Being able to keep him at home definitely was a good thing.

On a side note, his two doctors visit pretty much spent the whole deductible for the year. The new insurance from Cisco has gone down in quality. Don't get me wrong cause I am grateful to have insurance and however bad I think Cisco has become; I am sure they are still better that many other companies. I guess I should just be thankful that Katelyn was born last year and she saved us 10% of all hospital cost (~$2000). Hope the kids stay healthy!

4 months

Katelyn just had her 4 month check up and she is right on average with weight and height. This little one is definitely growing day by day. It doesn't seem like she is a big eater but she sure has grown. She is also very social these days. She will give you a big smile (yeah she has a bigger mouth haha) when you smile at her. I noticed lately she would smile at just looking around the house or it seems like she notices she is at home. I really can't complain since she is definitely an easy baby. After our trip to LA, she can sleep in the car seat more securely. She did so well on the trip as well except on the way back home when we ran into her sleep time. I can't wait to see her crawl and talk and all. I guess I forget how fun the first few years can be!

Sin

It was about 10 am in the morning when Charles got a call from school and it was the principle. Nothing can be good. So, he informed us that Ryan had just gotten a red light for lying about reading class work. He told us that he went through the scriptures and prayed with him over the incident. Just weeks before that I had mentioned to the teacher about Ryan's propensity to lie when it is convenient and I am sure she made a point to challenge him on that day. I am thankful that this incident took place in a god-loving environment. Sigh, if and when we move to public school...God help us.

When he got home, I let his dad do all the talking. No spanking. Just need to write out bible verses and memorize them. I realize he does not submit to physical pain and it seems to exacerbate his rebellion more. Not that I won't spank him any more but just need to be very selective. I am more aware of how he is made these days. He definitely is prideful which to me is the most important area that I need to work with him. His pride must be broken early and in a lovely way. He is also very self-centered and 'lazy' - meaning he will think of the shortest route to get something done. One can view it to be smart or lazy. (these traits remind me so much of my brother!) Most of all, I need to specifically pray with him about these areas of sins on a regularly basis. God shall give me wisdom on how to train him.

Real Life CSI

Last month one afternoon, I was about to sit down and do some homework with Ryan; all of a sudden, I saw a black SUV pull up quickly by the sidewalk and several bullet vested cops got out and positioned themselves around the vehicle. From all the crime drama I watched, it was not hard to recognize I was potentially nearby a crime scene. Once I saw them drawing guns at what seemed like the neighbor on the left side, I knew we had to get out of the living room. So, we hid in our bedroom. Then the cop finally gave the guy a last chance to come out without firing any bullets. Thank God he did!!!

I must say this latest incident gave me a renew sense of urgency that we really need to MOVE as soon as possible.

Katelyn's first 3 months

New Blog

Today marks the first entry to this family blog. I have always used it as my own journal but I realize that I can also expand it to include the family - esp. for the little ones.

So, where are we? Ryan is at school. Tues and Thurs are my duty to take him to school while the dad takes work calls at home. Thankfully, the little one is still sleeping soundly. Ryan will also have his first T-ball practice today. Yeah, we start him on this even before music lessons. It will be another 'thing' in his schedule in addition to his chinese and math homework.

As for Katelyn, she is almost 3 months already. It has been such a joy to see her grow. I still remember how fragile she was being at 6 lb'ish....and how I had to deal with all the postpartum aches and pains and vowed not to ever have kids again. It might still be true but definitely the whole anxiety and stress is gone. Thank God! She is more responsive now and gives you a big smile when you play with her. She really fusses only when she is tired or wants to be fed. Her hair is so fine and turned a little brown on the ends. The double eyelids are still hidden in there somewhere. LOL. She is still not as light as her bro, who knows why. I realize how much I do enjoy this period when they are so little. I know full well life will get harder as they grow.

A Little Hope

Time seems to fly by so fast as we march in the another month. Katelyn is becoming more social and starting to googoo gaga in response to your talking to her. She is not as generous with her smile but she would give you a big one while you smile at her. Even though these few months of staying at home can be so mundane but I am soaking it in as much as I can knowing this period of baby-hood is so short. I love the holding, feeding, and most enjoyable to me is sleeping with her in my arms. The hardest so far is definitely her being a light sleeper. Her eye lid is still single and occasionally you can see the double appear; so the jury is still out on that one. Her skin still seems to be darker than Ryan so I am hoping she will turn lighter soon!

As for things with hubby, it's getting a little bit better. Just need to do more on my part to care for him. Taking it slowly for now. His work has been so hectic and there seems to be a chance to jump ship; but he will have to wait and see what the offer will be...it's gonna be too good to turn down for him to move....so we will see. On the other hand, the housing project is going slowly and by my rough guess, it will be a best case to begin construction sometime in the summer.

I have definitely been more conscious about my attitude when teaching Ryan, we have had a better time doing homework and studying. I realize how much effect words can have. I tried to affirm his improvement and reassure him that he will succeed. I can see the difference. This kid is also improving on his reading thanks to the school 1st grade reading jump. However, I still think he is naturally more curious about math. We have been getting him to understand some concepts and he seems to be able to grasp them so far. His weakness is impatient and careless but definitely teacheable!

The Grind of Life

It's Monday morning and the busy life of managing a family starts to weigh on me- or having 2nd child really adds more burden in every aspect of our lives. Our marriage has been a bit shaky and it is being challenged even more; my temper gets short with Ryan and I realized I have become more physical with him when it comes to discipline. I have even slapped him a few times in the heat of anger. I saw the effect of it that I finally had to apologize to him and realize that I really needed help to hold it in. The verse about not exacerbate our children really hit me cause I saw the raw rage that came out of him. I even asked him what made me more mad and he confirmed to me that hitting his behind is a world of difference than slapping his face. I must end it yesterday.

Little Katelyn growing slowly but surely. Now the 3rd-child wave has already hit the chinese side and I find my heart starting to wander. I have to keep reminding myself not only to be content but to trust that God knows best what everyone of us need and can handle. I need to keep my eyes focus upward and not around me. To conceive and bear a child could be the easiest part but I realize to raise up a god-fearing child is a whole different thing. How am I doing with just one? two? I need to remind myself to be constantly be content with what God has already blessed me. Even though I probably would not go full length to prevent another child but I definitely will not let myself be entangled or burdened by it. My focus ought to be upward, my marriage, and the little sinners.

A conversation with a couple older parents this weekend also help remind me the life skills that I need to start training Ryan on even at his age. (Yes, feeding an infant is comparatively the easier task.) So, I started him on making his bed, changing toilet paper, and folding his clothes. Next we need to work on alarm clock and changing his clothes on his own. They also help affirmed that character building is far more important than anything else. One of them mentioned that she constantly told her kids that she is responsible for the health of their body, heart, and soul through college. It really hit me especially the heart part since I have felt alot of guilt about the slapping episode. An another article posted of fb was also timely in reminding me the heartache that we feel as young mothers shall pass so fast that we should cherish even the most annoying, frustrating things that these little ones do.

So, with that perspective, hope this Monday will pass with joy and peace!

Winning and Losing

As usual, we do family time on Wednesdays and Ryan loves it not because of the bible/prayer time, but the board game afterward. We recently started on a jr. version of scrabble and he absolutely loves it. Ryan is very quick to learning strategies. He is definitely good at scheming things. But his downfall comes when he feels like he is losing. The other night, when charles and I both got points and he still didn't get any, he refused to play a letter that potentially can get him points later. Simply, he just ignored the rules when his winning chance was threatened. There was a big hooblah that followed with crying, tantrum, and the whole 9 yard. Then after he calmed down and I stopped whooping him; all of a sudden, I understood why he acted up this time but not before (he always get a point too just like us before having to face that issue). I know he get that part from me...not a good loser. So, I had to explain to him that ending the game would be more painful that losing; no one would play with him who broke rules. But it is another thought that probably help him more - being behind does not equal to losing; I tell him when that happens, remind himself that as long as the game is not over yet, I can still win. I hope he will learn from it or he will lose more in life.

Family and holidays

The Chinese new year is unusually late this year. Interestingly it will coincide with valentine's day. It is strange that lately I have started to feel more nostalgic about being with family (immediate or not, like-able or not). Perhaps I am getting old? I am not quite sure. The thought of living here long term without families (not even a distant cousin, so sad) isn't very heartwarming right now. I don't know what to do or can do about it. But it definitely makes me think about how I will spend time around holiday this year. It also makes me realize how painful for those who spends it alone. I pray that God will bring them to my thoughts to reach to them.

Dad called just to let me know they were having a reunion dinner. So, I called them around dinner time and it was nice to hear the crowd there. I am glad for auntie who now is part of the family and I am sure she enjoys the atmosphere. That's what family is all about.

2nd Month

It's hard to believe but little mui mui has grown right under our eyes. She can actually fit into the 0-3 months clothes. She seems to be more responsive when I 'talk' to her. She even sucked her thumb last night! But honestly though, I really cannot remember much of this period with Ryan. It seems such a blur right now. But I hope by journaling it, I can remember it more in the future. Oh thank goodness mui mui is turning lighter on her skin (phew!). But she is still such a light sleeper that she needs to be held. Or is it that she is spoiled of being held. Who knows. I guess I am a little bit lax about the rules this time around.

Lately I have been thinking about what it is that God wants me to do being a SAHM again besides taking care of the family. I did discover a new passion which is to make all kinds of soups! Well, I thought about ppl that God might want me to minister to. Then just the other night, I took Ryan to Awana and stayed behind for the first time with bb; my ex cubbie's parent also stayed behind and we started talking - for the whole night. We eventually turned from talking about work and kids to Christianity. It darned on me that this is what being a christian is about..to testify for Him. So, I need to purposely pray for opportunity to follow up with her. Then My and Alex's family has been on my mind. I just pray for somehow being a blessing in their stressful life at this time.

For the housing project, while I cannot turn the clock back and not do it any more; I just pray that some how He'd be glorified through the process of building as well as after it is done. I really do not desire the house. The grandiose of it does not excite me. I just need a practical place to live. But again I cannot change what has been decided, I just pray for His mercy. If it is not meant to be, God make it so; if it is, reveal to me how you want to use it.

Life After 1 month

In law finally left just about when my one month confinement was over. It was the right timing in that she probably could use some rest and we were also ready to be on our own again. But boy, the first Monday being by myself, I was not mentally to do anything - I mean anything like going out, cooking, etc other than taking care of Katelyn. What made it worst was the Saturday before that we met a friendly-turned-nasty neighbor in the new house that just added to my anxiety. I remember having to pick up Ryan in the afternoon was such a huge undertaking. Perhaps that was a little bit of post partum that I was experiencing. I knew I needed to take it slowly; so the next day, I was able to add laundry to the to-do list. Toward the end of the week, God sent me a good friend, Jessica, to just help around the house. That was very thoughtful of her and I am thankful for that. She brought lunch and held baby, and even picked up Ryan for me one time. I must say the support from the church family has been tremendous....from the gifts to bringing pots after pots of soup. That's gotta be the blessing that comes only from serving Him.

Adjusting to the new life has been a bit harder than I thought. Katelyn esp. needing to be held alot...well, perhaps we are a bit less discipline about that with her figuring that she will be our last baby to hold...honestly I can hardly remember much about this period with Ryan. How did I spend my days? I guess I didn't take my time to enjoy him as much I should have back then. We both agree that we seem to enjoy this little more. She sleeps with us most of the time too. I call her a little mieu mieu cause she is tiny :). BTW, I hope she turns lighter soon and that her double eyelids will finally show!

Dec 2009

Dec 12- It was Charles' bday..we went up to the city for a family xmas pic and also get some car business done, my mucus plug came out and I had a haunch she might come that day...

Finally when we went to pick up Ryan at Awana, I knew the cramp isn't just occasional thing, it was definitely labor pain. So, we went to the hospital directly around 10 pm. Mandy came and picked up Ryan to bring him home.

Once we were admitted, I was dilated to 4. They asked me for pain med and I said sure. That's when my nightmare began. The anestheisologist took forever to put the med in and once she did, I was shocked to be numb to the extend that I did. I could not feel my leg and upper body....the feeling was so scary seeing people move me and yet I didn't feel a thing. When I had to push, I didn't know what the heck I was doing but she came out. 6 lb 7 oz 19.75" at 12:01 am. With all the hoopla, she just had to miss her daddy's birthday.

When I wheeled to the maternity room, I remember telling Charles that I'd better be able to walk again. I was genuinely scared for being paralyzed. The helplessness was unspeakable. Then it literally took 5 hours before I could feel my legs again. What a relief!

While keep Katelyn in the room, I was feeding and resting in a bad position and it brought on a massive muscle pain and headache. Finally once we got home, I was nursing her on the bed and it probably also caused my pelvus pain as well. That was excruciating. I literally looked at my king size bed in tears because every time I had to climb in and out of the bed, my pelvic muscles would hurt so badly and it radiates down my back thigh. I prayed and ppl gave me chinese pads and finally it took 2nd week for the pain to go away. I remember thinking there is no way I am having any more babies....vaginal stitch pain, headache, milk engorgement and stress, and then this pelvic pain, that's way too much. But those days still passed. I don't know how I got through them.

Katelyn has been a joy. I didn't get to enjoy her much at the hospital with all of my own problems. But once we are into the 2nd week and things are more routine (well, at least my milk is enough for her now and not much aches and pains on my part), I definitely got to slow down and think about what she really means to us. I remember thinking I would pray that I would be there for her confinement. Somehow I just think that a woman's blessing is definitely to have her mom take care of her during confinement. I thought about my mom alot one night....just imagining how life would be different if she were around. These last few days, I am more struck by the fact that we really brought a new life here and we would need to start training her up all over again. The weight of responsibility finally sinks in. I try to enjoy her while feeding her. I relish the sight of her grabbing on my shirt and her other hand rest on her head while she feeds. I giggle at all the funny sounds she makes. Ryan has been loving to her. He loves to kiss her and touches her hair. He enjoys holding her too. He is adjusting fairly well except that he has some usual disciplinary issues that we need to deal with.

We still cannot tell whom she looks like yet. But we just take each moment slowly and treasure the time now. As I look at her fingers and toes, I cannot help but marvel at the creator. God made her in my womb. Thank you for the gift, Lord.

Last Quarter of 2009

Wow, so much has transpired in the last quarter of 2009...it will be a task to summarize it now....

Oct - not too eventful...

Nov - Mandy arrived in mid of the month for a 5 wk stay of her business trip. Definitely more work on my part having her here....cooking, transportation etc. But I guess it's nice to have her around. She was quite stressed about the whole work arrangement but for now the job seems to be safe.

Nov 12 - Finally the unthinkable happened. I went into work with just a slight inclination that I might be rif'ed but hardly did I think it would actually happened. When Moni stopped by my cube and asked me to go with her, I knew. It was undoubtedly a very emotional experience. In some ways, it was very surreal as if I had to get a grip on how best to react to it. For sure, it definitely helped me learn how to react to someone else in the future. It was a very pride thing I guess. I think it took me a couple days to just accept it and realize it that this is God's blessing in disguise. Now I do not have to struggle with the decision and all the maternity and unemployment benefits are there for me to take advantage of...how bad can it be?!

To take the leave early was actually a good thing. I needed that extra time to clean out stuff for the bb. With Ryan being in school, those few weeks were probably the most stressless and free!

The Corolla Incident - how can we top this one? On our way to take Mandy to visit Uncle Wong's family, Charles' happened to drive the corolla for this trip and while we were on 280, I noticed something was quite right and little did I know that he was trying to stop an uncontrollable car! It sped up from 70 to 90 mph and the brake would not work. Once we realized the situation, we weren't so much panic as we could not believe that was happening, so we prayed. Praise God, he was able to slow and brake the car eventually. Then we went on our way for the rest of the business....later we found that a loose cable from previous mechanic work very likely has caused it. But that was big enough of a scare for us to look for a car. As much as I tried not to buy anything, I had to give in on this one. So, we have a 2007 Honda Odyssey sitting outside!